Things That Piss Me Off #2 - Holiday Edition

Well my company Christmas party was last Saturday and we had fun. It was at the same bar as last year and we ate and drank and chatted it up. Most of the people left pretty much right after dinner but Dave and myself and most of the warehouse guys and their dates stayed for more drinks and karaoke. We got a few pictures but Dave has a different computer now so he needs to load the software for the camera on it and get me the pics. If I don't get them soon well, whatever. Heh. Anyway, let's get to today's rant.

Remember Arnold Ziffel, the loveable pig from the show Green Acres? Me too. Well, I remember Arnold being a very clean pig with good manners. This got me to thinking about people in general and how they can be such pigs with bad manners. Yes folks, back by popular minimal demand and just in time for the holidays, we have today's rant - Things That Piss Me Off #2 - Holiday Edition. Let's get started -


Now looky here- this is a nice holiday table setup. Even if you don't have alot of money you can still whip up a nice dinner table. My friend's holiday dinner party will consist of borrowed table and setups. Pretty much the same as my Thanksgiving dinner. By the way, I don't have a picture but it turned out very nice thank you. Now here's where I start bitching -











These are more like cafe style tables but notice the napkins in the glasses? In case you didn't know, they are napkins. They are not table decorations that are to remain on the table throughout the meal. Yes, they make the table look pretty. It is all about presentation, right? BUT, they are napkins people, use them! Put them in your friggin' lap (not on the table) where they belong and use them frequently while you gorge on whatever dead carcass happens to be served.



Now I'm not one of those people who knows much about the proper way to set a table. I mean, how many forks in different sizes do you really need? As a lower middle class adult, I find that the more silverware you put on the table, the more you have to clear off and wash. Tiny forks and knives are as useless to me as any math subject ending in TRY. Ok, algebra too. And let's not forget about diagramming sentences. Do they still do that in school these days or was that just something they tortured kids with back in my day? WTF do we really need to know about where the subject and predicate go and where exactly will we need to use it in the future? I've been out of high school for a long time now and I don't remember ever finding myself in a situation where I had to know how to cut up a sentence and place each word on it's own line. Seriously, that's just bullshit and it pisses me off.

Back to the subject at hand - Manners at the dinner table.

I was raised with common sense manners. Nothing fancy, just good old fashioned common sense. I am finding out that more and more adults these days have no comprehension about what common sense manners are. I guess their parents were just too busy not giving a shit that their children were going to grow up to be gluttonous pigs. This really pisses me off. Now, let me clue you in in case you just stepped off the short bus -

A gentleman who pulls a chair out for a lady is always nice but if you can't find it in your testosterone to do that then at least try to practice patience when the food is served and wait your hungry ass 2 extra minutes while the lady is served first. That is just common courtesy, it will not score you extra points but at least you won't look like a douche. Yet.

Now if the food is put on the table then common sense manners consist of passing each dish around the table. DO NOT at any time reach across the table for ANYTHING. Wait your turn. If you don't like green beans, pass them to the person sitting next to you and wait patiently for them to take some and then keep the rotation going. Don't pile them up with more food dishes than they can handle just because you're in a hurry to get to the peach cobbler. Ask politely for anything that is not within your reach and wait for someone to pass it to you. Remember, this is supposed to be a nice dinner with no time limit. Lose the fast food attitude and always and I mean ALWAYS use the words "please" and "thank you." This not only goes for at the dinner table but in your everyday life as well. You'd be amazed how many people can't seem to get those words to leave their lips.

Hmmmm. I noticed that I have made quite a hyprocrite of myself just now. Let me rephrase that last part - PLEASE use the words "please" and "thank you" not only at the dinner table but in your everyday life. THANK YOU. See? It's a respect thing and in turn you will be given the same respect back. Common sense manners. Get it? Duh.

Pop Quiz - Pencils ready everyone?

Question - What do we do with the pretty napkins that are inside the glasses?

If you are sitting there with a covered lap and a clean face, give yourself an A+.

If you are sitting there with peach cobbler in your lap and gravy on your face then scroll up and start over. Loser.

Dinner Conversation - Don't dominate the conversation, let everyone have a chance to speak. Be attentive. If someone brings up a topic that you are knowledgeable about, be informative and helpful, not an overbearing know-it-all. That pisses people off. Oh, and keep it pleasant. Absolutely no toilet humor. Yeah, I know it sounds patronizing but some people actually need to be told.

The Eating Process - Old fashioned common sense manners mean that the guests can see all of the food sitting in their respective serving dishes on the table so they do not need to see the food as it is being chewed up and moved around your mouth like a cow chewing it's cud. Seriously, keep your teeth and your food in your mouth and keep it shut! Ugh, I just gagged.

Anyway, now that I'm getting queasy, I'll just wrap things up.

End of The Meal Manners - Offer to help clear the table. Do a few dishes, it's not going to kill you and you can stand to burn some calories anyway, especially after that 3rd helping. Afterall, the host or hostess worked their ass off to give you a nice holiday dinner. Let them relax. You might even offer to refill their wine glass or get them a piece of pie to show your appreciation and gratitude for all their hard work.

Well, that's it for this edition of Things That Piss Me Off. If you have any comments, please feel free to post them. Perhaps I missed some things that should be included here. I sure don't claim to be an expert but I'd like to think that mommy's manners have at least helped mold me into a polite, considerate hostess and guest. If this post was of any help to you or yours, then my job here is done. It's all about spreading the holiday cheer just remember, things go alot smoother when you don't piss people off. Happy Holidays!